An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that. The actuary replies, “The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower […]

How do you get an actuary to laugh on a Thursday? Tell them a joke on a Monday.

A lawyer, an accountant and an actuary are discussing the merits of having a mistress or a wife. The lawyer reckons it is better having a mistress, because the wife can take everything if you should come to a divorce. The accountant reckons it is definitely better having a wife, from a taxation perspective. The

An actuary and a farmer were traveling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, “There are 1,248 sheep out there.” The farmer replied, “Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?” The actuary answered, “Easy,

A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was

Actuaries are very good at numbers – so good they even do sex by numbers. They know 156 different sexual positions. They just don’t know anyone who wants to have sex with them.

A life actuary designed a new coverage “Senility Insurance”. He expected low claims because “If you remember that you have a policy, it is proof that you are not senile.”

Definition of a computer: An actuary with a heart.