Drowning
An actuary is one who, if you’re drowning in a pond twenty feet offshore will throw you an eleven foot rope and point out that he’s meeting you MORE than half-way.
Insurance Jokes
Insurance Jokes, sorted into categories.
Actuaries and CPA’s
An actuary, is a CPA who found CPA work too exciting.
A Broker, an Actuary, and an Agent are all Caught Drinking
A broker, an actuary and an agent are all caught drinking smuggled liquor while staying in Saudi Arabia. Under Saudi law, simply possessing alcohol is an offense punishable by death. However, the local prince is feeling generous that day, so he commutes the death sentence and instead sentences each to 20 lashes. After further thought, …
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Three Men are Sentenced to Die by Guillotine
Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine. The first man steps up, places his head in the hole, the executioner release the knife, and miraculously the knife stops inches above the man’s neck. The executioner says, “Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do its job, you are declared free.” …
I’m Almost Out of Paper
Several years ago, we had an underwriting trainee who was none too swift. One day, he was doing a certificate of insurance and turned to a co-worker and said, “I’m almost out of paper. What do I do?” “Just use copier machine paper,” she told him. With that, the trainee took his last remaining blank …
Moving from Texas to Vermont
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, “Look, I’m not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?”
Genie Granting Wishes and HMOs Will Get Double
A doctor was walking on the beach and noticed an empty bottle. He kicked the bottle. A genie suddenly came out of the bottle and said “Gee thanks!! I’ve been locked in the bottle for five hundred years!! Just for that I’ll grant you three wishes. I have to warn you, however, that each of …
A Cowboy Wanted to Take Out a Life Insurance Policy
A cowboy wanted to take out a life insurance policy. Talking to an insurance agent about his policy, the insurance agent asked the cowboy, “Have you ever had any accidents?” The cowboy repled, “No, no accidents.” Then, after a short pause he added “But a bronco kicked in a couple of my ribs, and a …
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Present Value of Husband’s Policy
“Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” the life insurance salesman asked his client. “What do you mean?” countered the woman. “If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman. The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”
Airplane About to Crash and Only Two Parachutes
The Pope, an HMO CEO and a student nurse are flying on an airplane. The captain comes back and says that he has some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is that the plane is going to crash! As he puts on a parachute and jumps out he says that the …