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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

James walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

“We don’t need anyone,” he was told.

“You can’t afford not to hire me,” James said. “I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!”

“Well, we have two prospects that NO ONE has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job.”

He was gone about two hours. He returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.

“How in the world did you do that?” they asked.

“I told you I’m the world’s best salesman,” James said. “I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!”

“Did you get a urine sample?” they asked.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000, the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples.”

James was gone about six hours, and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five-gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine. He sets them on the desk and says, “Here’s Mr. Brown’s and this one is Mr. Barricks’s.”

“That’s good,” they said, “but what’s in those two buckets?”

“Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers’ convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!”

Life insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”

Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.

The first one said, “When one of our insureds died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening.”

The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.”

The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insureds who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as passed our floor.”

Several cannibals were recently hired by a health insurance agency. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. “You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.”

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our CSR’s has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?”

The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the CSR?”

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Producers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the Customer Service Representative!”

“You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent, “so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.”

“Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m them.”

An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade.

“I can’t stop!” she shrilled. “What should I do?”

“Brace yourself,” advised her husband, “and try to hit something cheap.”

An insurance agent won a trip to Mexico City. Now he is trying to win a trip back home.

A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their motor home.

However, they often found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. So, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now whenever they set up camp they place this sign on the door of their RV…

“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”