A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”

“Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “what am I going do?”

The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.”

“Will I live longer?” asks the woman. ”

No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”

An insurance sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She´s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He´s gone.

“OK, you´re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.

Mr. John Johnson III, was a rich old man dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, his doctor and his preacher:

“I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me.”

Mr. Johnson died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed “I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Johnson, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It’s what he would have wanted.”

Then the preacher said: “I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Johnson. We needed that money to help more homelessness, and it’s what Mr. Johnson would’ve wanted”

The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: “I can’t believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Johnson a check for the full $30,000!”