Insurance Jokes, sorted into categories.
A traveling insurance salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly: “Begin vacation as of yesterday.”
Stranded in Hawaiian Islands Read More »
An insurance agent won a trip to Mexico City. Now he is trying to win a trip back home.
Free Trip to Mexico City Read More »
A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their motor home.
However, they often found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. So, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.
Now whenever they set up camp they place this sign on the door of their RV…
“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”
Camping and Relaxing in Motor Home Read More »
The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?”
I said, “Fire and theft.”
Insurance agent frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed WHILE it’s burning down.
Fire and Theft Insurance Read More »
Two women are playing golf when one of them ask the other, “Do you and your husband have mutual climax?”
The other woman replies, “No, I think we have State Farm.”
There’s a new insurance policy written especially for Jewish mothers. It’s called the “My Fault” policy.
Insurance Policy for Jewish Mothers Read More »
A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. The shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Actuary’ Brains … $9/lb
Loss Control Brains … $12/lb
Underwriters’ Brains … $15/lb
Claims Adjusters’ Brains … $33/lb
Insurance Executives’ Brains … $87/lb
Life Insurance Salesmens’ Brains … $146/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, “My, those insurance salesmens’ brains must be something.”
To which the butcher replied, “Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!”
Life Insurance Salesmen’s Brains Read More »
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against …. get this …. fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued … and WON!!
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.”
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested… on 24 counts of arson!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Fire Insurance for Cigars? Read More »
After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker’s compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related.
“How did you get the wooden leg?” asked the agent.
In a booming voice the pirate replied, “Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ’round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg.”
The agent replied, “That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?”
“Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang ’round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand,” said the pirate.
“That’s also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?” asked the agent.
The pirate replied, “Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!”
“What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?” said the agent.
“It were the first day with me hook!”
Pirate’s Work Injuries Read More »
An HMO accounts clerk had a cabin in the West Virginia mountains and liked to go there for his frequent vacation times. Each summer, he would invite a different friend to spend a week or two up at his cabin. One particular summer, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend agreed.
Early one morning, the clerk and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering buckets of delicious red raspberries, along came two huge Bears–a male and a female.
The HMO accounts clerk, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn’t as fast, and the male bear grabbed him and swallowed him whole.
The clerk ran back to his car, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and they dashed back to the berry patch. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” cried the clerk, pointing to the male bear.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE BEAR!
“What do you think you’re doing??” exclaimed the clerk, “I said he was in the other bear!”
“Exactly,” replied the sheriff, “and would YOU believe an HMO accounts clerk who told you that the Czech was in the Male?”
HMO Accounts Clerk Read More »