Health Insurance Jokes

Question:  What is the difference between an HMO and a battery?

Answer:  A battery has a positive side.

Question:  Have you heard about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Managed Care Reviewers?

Answer:  He threatened to release one every hour if his demands were NOT met.

Question:  What is the difference between HMO’s and terrorists?

Answer:  You can bargain with terrorists.

Question:  Have you seen the new home surgery kit available by mail order?

Answer:  It’s called Suture Self.

Question:  How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb in an HMO?

 Answer:  Only one, but it needs a pre-authorization before it can be done.

An HMO accounts clerk had a cabin in the West Virginia mountains and liked to go there for his frequent vacation times. Each summer, he would invite a different friend to spend a week or two up at his cabin. One particular summer, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend agreed.

Early one morning, the clerk and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering buckets of delicious red raspberries, along came two huge Bears–a male and a female.

The HMO accounts clerk, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn’t as fast, and the male bear grabbed him and swallowed him whole.

The clerk ran back to his car, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and they dashed back to the berry patch. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” cried the clerk, pointing to the male bear.

The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE BEAR!

“What do you think you’re doing??” exclaimed the clerk, “I said he was in the other bear!”

“Exactly,” replied the sheriff, “and would YOU believe an HMO accounts clerk who told you that the Czech was in the Male?”