Feb 19

A life actuary designed a new coverage “Senility Insurance”. He expected low claims because “If you remember that you have a policy, it is proof that you are not senile.”

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Rating: 7.7/10 (3 votes cast)
Feb 19

Definition of a computer: An actuary with a heart.

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Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast)
Feb 19

Actuary talking: “There are three kinds of actuaries. Those that can count. And those that can’t.”

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Rating: 1.8/10 (4 votes cast)
Feb 19

An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car.

The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go.

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Rating: 6.8/10 (12 votes cast)
Feb 19

Question; “What do actuaries use as contraceptives?”

Answer: “Their personality.”

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Rating: 7.0/10 (4 votes cast)
Feb 19

Question: “What is the difference between God and an actuary?”

Answer: “God doesn’t think he’s an actuary.”

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Rating: 4.4/10 (5 votes cast)
Feb 19

A skydiver is blown off-course and lands in a tree in a remote area. After dangling from branches for an hour, he spots a hiker walking by.

“Excuse me,” yells the parachutist, “but could you tell me where I am?”

The hiker looks up and says, “Yes, you’re twenty feet above the ground.”

“Thank you,” replies the skydiver, “You must be an actuary.”

“What makes you say that?” asked the hiker.

The skydiver answered, “Because what you just told me was 100% accurate, but totally worthless!”

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Rating: 7.3/10 (4 votes cast)
Feb 19

Ask an actuary “What’s 2 + 2?”
Response: “What do you want it to be?”

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Rating: 7.8/10 (4 votes cast)
Feb 19

In Canada, there is a group of people who refuse to speak English. They’re called separatists and tend to live in Quebec. In the United States they’re called actuaries.

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Rating: 8.0/10 (5 votes cast)
Feb 19

An actuary is one who, if you’re drowning in a pond twenty feet offshore will throw you an eleven foot rope and point out that he’s meeting you MORE than half-way.

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Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast)
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